I Want to Be Peter Lorre by TOM SMITH (2025)

The curse of my existence is the "heroes" [or, if you like, just "movies"] that I see,
And I can't do much for them not doing very much for me.
I can't identify with Magnum, P or I --
Schwarzenegger, Harrison Ford, and Michael Douglas leave me bored.

Mel Gibson is too rugged, Matthew Broderick's too cute,
Clint Eastwood is so cocky, I could punch him in the snoot.
No, I'll look back in time to a gentleman sublime,

Whose wit and style are seldom mentioned --
[in Lorre voice]
-- But never failed to attract attention!

When I grow up, I want to be Peter Lorre,
I want to snivel and sneer in a nasal whine.
I want to cring and curse, and maybe threaten worse --
[in Lorre Voice]
-- And if that doesn't work, I've got a laugh that'll petrify your spine!

Who wants to be a handsome, stuffy playboy?
Who wants to face the bad guys all alone?
The last thing that I need is to be a romantic lead,
I want to grow up to be Peter Lorre and steal the girl for my own!

When I grow up, I want to be Peter Lorre,
I'll tell Nemo where Kirk Douglas went to hide.
[in Lorre voice]
Now, I didn't mind old Kirk, but Ned Land was such a jerk,
And between a mad scientist and a jock, who would you want on your side?

I want to sell the Bird to Sydney Greenstreet,
I want to cheat with Vincent Price's wife,
And if I want more kicks, I'll make Mister Moto flicks,
I want to grow up to be Peter Lorre and have A Wonderful Life!
[in Lorre voice]
I could've starred in that, too!

[in Lorre voice]
When I grow up, I want to be Peter Lorre,
I'll stalk the streets of Dusseldorf and Pairee,
Waiting for some dame who has no sense of shame
To foolishly make that one mistake and hang around with me.

I want to whistle music from old operas
As I am slowly strangling some pre-teen,
I long for days gone by,
[in Lorre voice]
And that winking, blinking eye,
I want to grow up to be Peter Lorre,
You pretty boys are gonna be sorry,

I'll be the best Peter Lorre you've ever seen!
-- Is it too late to audition for "Gollum"?

The song "I Want to Be Peter Lorre" by Tom Smith is an ode to the great character actor of Hollywood, Peter Lorre. The singer of the song expresses frustration with the modern-day action heroes portrayed in movies and longs for a more interesting and complex character to identify with, ultimately deciding that he wants to grow up to be Peter Lorre. This desire is rooted in admiration for Lorre's unique wit, style, and ability to attract attention, despite being seldom mentioned by mainstream audiences.

The singer goes on to describe the various roles he imagines himself playing as Peter Lorre, including sniveling and sneering in a nasal whine, cringing and cursing, and threatening worse. He also dreams of stealing the girl for his own, selling the bird to Sydney Greenstreet, cheating with Vincent Price's wife, and making Mister Moto flicks. The song ends with the singer declaring his determination to be the best Peter Lorre that anyone has ever seen, even if it means auditioning for the role of Gollum.

Overall, the lyrics of "I Want to Be Peter Lorre" celebrate the unique, often overlooked talents of a character actor who left an indelible mark on Hollywood history. The song is a tribute to Lorre's ability to embody a wide range of characters, from the sinister to the comedic, and the singer's desire to follow in his footsteps.

The curse of my existence is the "heroes" [or, if you like, just "movies"] that I see,
I find it frustrating that the movies I watch often feature heroes that I cannot identify with or relate to.

And I can't do much for them not doing very much for me.
Since I cannot empathize with the heroes, I am unable to fully enjoy these films and obtain the satisfaction that they are intended to provide.

I can't identify with Magnum, P or I --
I cannot connect with characters like Magnum, P or I, who are portrayed as rugged and heroic.

Schwarzenegger, Harrison Ford, and Michael Douglas leave me bored.
The actors Arnold Schwarzenegger, Harrison Ford, and Michael Douglas do not excite me or hold my interest as much as other actors might.

Mel Gibson is too rugged, Matthew Broderick's too cute,
While actors like Mel Gibson and Matthew Broderick might be appealing to some, I find that their looks and personalities do not interest me as much as other actors' might.

Clint Eastwood is so cocky, I could punch him in the snoot.
I find the actor Clint Eastwood's confidence to be off-putting, to the point where I might even want to physically harm him if given the chance (though this is obviously not serious).

No, I'll look back in time to a gentleman sublime,
Instead of turning to modern-day actors, I prefer to look to the past for a more elegant and refined actor to emulate.

Whose wit and style are seldom mentioned --
Although this actor may not be as popular or well-known as some others, I appreciate their humor and unique style of acting.

[in Lorre voice] -- But never failed to attract attention!
This line is spoken in the voice of Peter Lorre himself, who is being portrayed as someone who always managed to capture the audience's attention despite not being a conventional Hollywood heartthrob.

When I grow up, I want to be Peter Lorre,
The artist expresses a desire to become like Peter Lorre, a distinctive and admired character actor from the past.

I want to snivel and sneer in a nasal whine.
The singer wants to emulate Lorre's distinctive speech patterns, which often included sneering, sniveling, and speaking in a nasal tone.

I want to cring and curse, and maybe threaten worse --
In addition to adopting Lorre's vocal mannerisms, the artist wants to embody his menacing and often villainous on-screen persona by acting in a way that is intimidating and threatening.

[in Lorre Voice] -- And if that doesn't work, I've got a laugh that'll petrify your spine!
Using Peter Lorre's distinctive voice, the singer suggests that even if their threats don't have the desired effect, they have a menacing laugh that will still make people feel uneasy.

Who wants to be a handsome, stuffy playboy?
Rather than playing a generic, handsome leading man, the singer would prefer to take on darker, more complex roles akin to those played by Peter Lorre.

Who wants to face the bad guys all alone?
The singer seems to find the idea of playing a solo hero unappealing, preferring instead to act in roles where they can be more villainous or otherwise complex.

The last thing that I need is to be a romantic lead,
The artist has no interest in playing romantic roles, which they seem to believe are dull or unsatisfying in some way.

I want to grow up to be Peter Lorre and steal the girl for my own!
Instead, the artist wants to play more villainous roles where they can compete with the leading man for the affection of the female lead.

I'll tell Nemo where Kirk Douglas went to hide.
The singer is referencing the movie 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, wherein they would be taking on the role of Peter Lorre's character and helping to reveal the whereabouts of Kirk Douglas's character.

[in Lorre voice] Now, I didn't mind old Kirk, but Ned Land was such a jerk,
Again using Lorre's distinctive voice, the singer expresses their displeasure with the character of Ned Land from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, whom they seem to find irritating or unpleasant.

And between a mad scientist and a jock, who would you want on your side?
The artist is comparing the characters that Lorre played in the movie Island of Lost Souls and the type of heroic character that may typically star in a film. The artist believes that Lorre's characters are better equipped to handle danger and be useful in tricky situations.

I want to sell the Bird to Sydney Greenstreet,
The artist is referencing the movie The Maltese Falcon, wherein they would be playing a character attempting to sell a valuable statue to the character played by actor Sydney Greenstreet.

I want to cheat with Vincent Price's wife,
The artist is referencing the real-life affair that Peter Lorre was rumored to have had with Vincent Price's wife, Coral Browne, and would like to be in a situation similar to that in a film.

And if I want more kicks, I'll make Mister Moto flicks,
The singer is referring to the pseudonym that Peter Lorre adopted when he starred in the Mr. Moto series of movies. The singer would be happy to follow in Lorre's footsteps by playing a similar character in their own films.

I want to grow up to be Peter Lorre and have A Wonderful Life!
The artist expresses a desire to have a career and life as fulfilling and admired as Peter Lorre's was.

[in Lorre voice] I could've starred in that, too!
Again using Peter Lorre's voice, the singer seems to be expressing a wistful desire to have been able to take on more of the roles that Lorre himself played.

I'll stalk the streets of Dusseldorf and Pairee,
Referencing the films M and Casablanca, the singer would like to play roles that involve following people through the streets of notable cities.

Waiting for some dame who has no sense of shame
Using slightly dated or sexist language, the singer is suggesting that they would like to play a character who preys on women who are unwise or shameless in some way.

To foolishly make that one mistake and hang around with me.
The artist suggests that they would use their charm, intimidation, or other tactics to get a woman to make a mistake by spending time around their character.

I want to whistle music from old operas
The artist would like to incorporate their love of classic music into their on-screen persona.

As I am slowly strangling some pre-teen,
The singer is once again referencing Lorre's darker roles, and seems to be suggesting that they would be interested in playing similarly violent or upsetting characters.

I long for days gone by,
The singer is feeling nostalgic for a time when actors like Peter Lorre were more popular and celebrated.

[in Lorre voice] And that winking, blinking eye,
Speaking in character as Peter Lorre, the artist references the actor's distinctive and expressive eyes, which were often a focal point when he was on-screen.

You pretty boys are gonna be sorry,
The artist seems to take pleasure in the idea that modern-day Hollywood stars might be eclipsed by a return to the kinds of roles that Peter Lorre played.

I'll be the best Peter Lorre you've ever seen!
The artist expresses confidence in their ability to do justice to the kinds of characters and roles that Peter Lorre played on-screen.

-- Is it too late to audition for "Gollum"?
The singer concludes the song with a humorous reference to the character of Gollum from The Lord of the Rings movies, and suggests that they might still be hoping to get a part in that franchise or a similar one.


Contributed by Kayla W. Suggest a correction in the comments below.

I Want to Be Peter Lorre by TOM SMITH (2025)
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